When someone dies, people want to know, how?
People want an explanation. They want to know what the persons last few months were like – especially if they died of an illness.
They want to know, did they love me?
Did they want to hear my voice one last time? Did they want to talk to me, one last time?
They want to know, why didn’t you tell us? Why did you keep this a secret? We want to know.
What were your last few days like? Were you in pain every day? Did you know this was happening? Was there something I could have done?
How will my life be like now knowing that you won’t be in it?
Why did you keep me at arms bay? Was there shame?
And finally, does it really matter? Does it matter, if you didn’t want us to be a part of your final days?
“I respect your wishes” is much harder to do and say when the heart is grieving.
I don’t have to know the whole story. If you wanted me to know the whole story, you would have told me.
This isn’t a contest to see who you loved he most. Who has the most information about your life, who should know.
So I need to stop the talking, the speculating, insinuating that we know it all.
We don’t. If she knew she was going to die, she would have done something for us? Her heart was one of giving. She must have not know. That on Wednesday, she would take her last breath.